Decluttering saves more than your space!

The hindsight of going through the process of the purge with my husband and kids a couple of years ago, honestly, saved more than just our space or the way we use our stuff. I feel like it created an opportunity to enjoy our stuff more and free our time a bit more. But the biggest surprise is how much it helped save our marriage.

My husband and I have fought over the years about all of our stuff. How our stuff gets cleaned or put away. We even fought about who was responsible for what. Neither one of us wanted to clean stuff that wasn’t “his” or “mine”. It was like we ultimately created two people who wouldn’t do anything for the other person. I feel like the purge allowed us to get rid of some of that underlying relationship clutter. The process helped to streamline our chores more, because the stuff truly became “ours” as we made more decisions of what to keep.

I also found that as we shared more stories about some of our treasured items, we began to respect the “why” behind keeping specific items. We learned even more about each other on our journey to get rid of our stuff.

Our stuff became the thing we could hide behind!

Our stuff kept us “safe”. We could hide behind neglecting our stuff, or each other, or even ourselves. It was all under the guise of having too much to do each day, so why try to tackle it all. Regardless of any effort put in on a day to day basis there was still way too much to tidy or clean. Rather than understand that more deeply, we just slowly let it eat at both of us. We each had very different ways of coping with all of the clutter, but both were damaging to all of the relationships around us.

I slowly became more comfortable just apologizing for the mess ALL of the time. And for a while we had good excuses…We just got married….we just moved….we just did a major renovation…we had the carpets redone….but eventually, the excuse was simply “we didn’t try!”

That’s when it really started to overwhelm me. I couldn’t justify the excuse anymore. It wasn’t about us being too busy, though we felt like we were; it wasn’t about us not working hard enough, because we both felt overworked at home. We just, stopped caring!

We just really had too much stuff!

After having gone through the purge, and now just over a year into all of the lockdowns through COVID, I realized that we work better as a team now. Maybe better than we ever have. It does help to be working from home, WAY less commuting time! But it’s amazing how that little bit of time makes up a big difference.

We are more on the same page with our future planning, chores, with our finances, and more in the loop with each other about parenting.

I am not suggesting that getting rid of half or all of your stuff will fix your marriage, because that’s just not true. There are still marriage issues to work through in any marriage. But it definitely helps to remove the clutter in the relationship. The clutter that fills the void of having real conversations with your partner, or that takes the place of having fun with each other.

I think we will always be on the side of having more than we need, but I think we will no longer let our stuff run our lives!

The journey has changed us in so many ways, decluttering will change you too!

Thanks for coming home!

3 comments

  1. Thank you for this post. I don’t feel like decluttering will do much for my marriage (4.5 years & we are very happy together) BUT there is the issue of my husband & I being on the same page with our finances. Because he works & I don’t, I manage all of the bill paying etc. We’ve managed to get ourselves into some debt. I feel like I spend a lot more time worrying about money than he does.

    For example, if I need a grocery item I will go to Aldi’s or Walmart whereas he will probably pick it up at a more pricey grocery store on the way home from work. I guess what we need to work on is him telling me if he needs some grocery item so that I can go get it more cheaply during the day instead of him getting it in a more expensive way on the way home. Thanks for this post, again, because it has just given me that idea.

    I am currently working on paying off our debt (I am about to do a shopping ban for one month, maybe more if it works well) & decluttering our home. I’m not touching his items because, honestly, most of the junk in our house is my stuff not his. He’s very good about helping with the chores though. He cooks dinner every night (he enjoys cooking & is great at it whereas I hate cooking and am DREADFUL at it) & then he will also do the kitchen cleaning from the cooking he’s done.

    Again, this was a great post & really made me think. I want to declutter so that our home has a less stressful vibe & so that it doesn’t remind me of the debt we got ourselves into which really stresses me out. Working on it slowly but steadily.

    Cheers,
    K
    outfromunder.blog

    Like

    • I am so glad that you enjoyed this post. I am all about showing the real part of life. Life is hard! And it is not all perfect pictures on Facebook or Instagram! The hardest thing in any marriage is to stay close to being in the same book on most topics, let alone the same page! It sounds like you and your husband have most of it figured out!!

      As far as the grocery shopping, I am on the same page as you. My husband sounds like yours. I have a post called Embracing Technology. In that post I talk a bit about an App called Flipp. It is great for making sure you both can add grocery items to the same list and share accounts (it even updates somewhat live when items are crossed off the list). Stay tuned for more posts on this topic too.

      Great job working on paying off your debt, nothing will be more satisfying than crushing that goal!! I have done many shopping bans, it is always eye opening to see how much I think I need, but actually don’t!! COVID has been great for that too, for us at least. When the stores shut down, I can’t even shop!

      It really is amazing how great it feels to take some of the physical and mental weight of stuff and stress off your shoulders!

      You got this!!

      Liked by 1 person

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